Step 1: Wait for them to leave for Work or extended errands or any reason really.
This will be difficult to test, as you may not be able to anticipate when they will return, pay close attention to whether or not they are doing a weekday morning routine or a weekend routine. Proper garbage raids should only take place when the chances of accidental interruption are slim. Use your canine sixth sense, and let the scavenger inside guide you......
Step 2: Survey All Surroundings for Opportunity
As your human ppl are leaving, immediately pretend to go back to your favourite nap area, this will make them think as they're closing the door behind them, that you're being a good little snoozey, patient doggie. Take a nap but not too long, only a few intermittent bunny-chasing dreams. Wake up. Do your yoga-dog stretches and begin your hunt. Start with the kitchen. ALWAYS. This is a gold mine for forgotten forks, counter treasure, or slightly ajar cupboards that hold the motherload: Garbage Bins. Another good place for bin-tipping is the bathroom or bedroom (tissues and kleenex! HELLOOO gawwgeous shreds)
Step 3: SNIFF. TIP. RAID!
OK so this is the best part of your day, you've napped, but you're still bored and have a hankering. You've surveyed your surroundings for forgotten treasure, and you find your own personal raid mission. I suggest sticking your nose in the bin first, alllllll the way to the bottom, to make sure it's worth it. (HINT: It's NEVER not worth it) Using your adorable muzzle, delicately (or ravenously, your choice) tip the bin over by pulling it towards you. Stick your head in and begin scattering everything. The larger the spread of garbage on the floor the better. (This comes in to play later....) But wait..the Garbage bag is tied? No problem, you've got claws, you've got beautiful canines, use them. Shred any packaging that has even the littlest scent of deliciousness. Try not to eat packaging, but if you must, you must, I don't blame you. Spend as long as you like mulling over all the glorious destruction you've created. After all, it's their fault your anxious or bored right? You're only a dog.....
Step 4: Prepare for the Arrival
At this point, you're tired from rifling through your big haul. Likely full too, depending on what you've eaten. I suggest returning to your sleepy-nappy-happy-place for a snooze. All there is to do is wait...wait...for your human people (ahem, who left YOU in the first place) to return. You'll hear the keys, and you'll start to wag. The door will open, Now, what happens next is really variant on what kind of destruction you've created. Usually, people humans let out what sounds like angry words, that's standard. You'll probably hear your name said in a downward sounding tone, usually split slowly into the syllables of your name. For example a quick Loki becomes Loooooow-keyyyy!!. The deeper the voice, the more guilty-puppy-face you should display. This is your golden ticket out of the "doghouse": Keep your tail low, your ears down, better yet, go back to your bed, and make your self into the size of a donut, curling up is encouraged, showing signs of confused remorse is your bestfriend.
Step 5: Relish the Aftermath & Don't Forget to Fart
This is the fun part. You get to watch your human people pick up all the delicious, immaculate mess you've made while you don't lift a paw. Piece by piece, they will put it all back into a new garbage bag, probably staring begrudgingly at you because you disappointed them. You'll probably have some gas, so use this to your advantage.... stay close to them, so they can be haunted by the smell of your accomplishment. This also reminds them of the sadness you felt when they left you, bored, adventurous, and all alone with no one to keep you company except the empty meat packages and mouldy corn cobs.
And Happy Mischief Monday!!!!!