Hi. This is the first time I have used an internet blog site. My dog thoughts will be clearer using typings. I thought I would emBARK on this way of communicating by writing you a letter. My pupper friends have been writing you, and I think it's gosh darn great, but as you know, I think everything is great. You're great. Christmas is great. Howlidays are great. Bacon is great.
I want you guys to know that I've been really good this year. I spent months in an animal sanctuary watching other dogs and people come and go. I waited patiently at the Ranch and watched the laneway for every approaching car and visitor in the hopes I'd go to where all the other dogs would disappear to. I didn't know where they were going exactly, but I knew it was somewhere really really good, and probably full of bacon. Everytime I'd see one of my dogger friends leave,and finally pass through that wooden gate to the gravel parking lot and into their car-mobiles, the people they left with were always so happy. All I wanted was some of that happy.
Now, Santa, I don't know if you work all year, or if you and the Easter bunny collaborate in granting seaonsal wishes, esp months before Christmas (it was technically Easter), but if you were in any way responsible for finding my happy, then wag-wag-waggity-wags to you and your magical team. I now know where that really really good place is that all the other doggers were going to when they left the Ranch in their car-mobiles. That place is called a "home", and my people are loving bacon-givers who walk me, cuddle with me and play with me.
So, if I could put a little something on your roster for this year, I'll keep it simple. I'll just ask you to fill my stocking with treats and a few bull penises. Can you throw in a reindeer antler for me to chew on? I figure you have the best access to the good stuff. I'd also like to try some kind of wearable accessory that's not a humilating costume, maybe a bandana? Nothing too flashy, I don't want to make the Centretownian dogs jealous or give off the impression that I'm a gang member. Oh, and one more thing, can I have a new squeaky toy that resembles a fast food item? I'm thinking hot dog, steak, or hamburger.
Thanks Santa, Reindeer and Easter Bunny. I will be sure to leave you carrots, cookies and milk. Look for them on top of the fridge because I'll likely forget I left them out for you and try to counter surf them right into my bottomless dobertummy.
Smell ya later!